a soft rebirth
Not a dramatic turning point, not a grand announcement. Just a quiet knowing that I am not who I was and I’m ready for what’s next.
then & now
It’s been so long since I had taken the time to write, both in my journal and in this blog. The last was on Valentine’s Day, just two weeks after moving to the Philippines. A period of adjustment followed–as any uprooting would.
Now I'm back in Guam, during Easter season, four months after making the life-changing decision to quit my corporate job in pursuit of alignment. It’s been busy, it’s been messy, it’s been fun, and I haven’t had a moment to pause…until now.
And in this pause, I can finally say: I’ve arrived.
Not at the finish line. But to a life that used to only exist in my dreams. It feels surreal. I’m in constant disbelief, but also overflowing with gratitude. I feel different. This next chapter feels different too.
slow becoming
It’s been a season of slow becoming, one that has taken as long as its depth. Unexpectedly, it became as much an internal journey as much as the external one I’ve been building. Starting a business wasn’t just about strategy–it meant healing old wounds, confronting deeply rooted beliefs, and reshaping how I saw myself…something I never would have imagined. It truly is a mirror.
And so the decision to hire a business coach from the beginning saved me. Mine didn’t just guide me with structure–she gave me the space and tools to reconnect with myself, rewire my beliefs, and move with courage and intention. That’s Asia’s magic.
questioning & grieving
For most of the time everything is bearable. But in the quietness and in between is when grief often creeps in… I question over and over again whether I was making the right decision. Caregiving is a yes, though it comes with its challenges. But this career change? There are still moments I feel bittersweet. I grieved the life and the dream I for so long have worked hard for. I let go of the job title, the sense of control, and the version of myself that was built on proving.
The hard part is that it was once what I loved and I was thriving, almost at the peak and being recognized at it too. Even if I know I’ve outgrown it at this time of my life, it still stings sometimes. But I'm learning to cope with more ease each time. By giving myself the permission to change my mind, and releasing the guilt of making this decision right now, for myself.
unlearning & learning
I used to seek validation as proof that I was worthy. I needed to redefine what success looks and feels like: not just recognition, but alignment. That meant more freedom and authenticity and connection. I once believed softness was a weakness, especially shifting from “masculine” architecture to “feminine” interior design. I felt guilt for leaving it all behind. For slowly drifting from people. For closing chapters without neat endings.
But I’ve learned that I am not a bad person for wanting something of my own, and on my own terms. I’m learning to put myself first this time, and to be okay with not owing anyone an explanation.
acceptance
I am slowly accepting that this is my life now, and it’s different, and that’s okay. It’s okay that I have to juggle taking care of my mom and building a business. It’s okay that I live between two places now. Acceptance has led me to embrace the fact that life will always be ebbing and flowing and that the key is to not get stuck in any chapter, but to ride the waves.
I’ve learned to honor dualities, both the good and hard, knowing that one doesn’t make the other any less real or valid. And that it’s okay to start over, to make mistakes… and to not be perfect.
I’m even learning to accept that I won’t be for everyone, and that’s not just okay, but also freeing. The people meant for me-friends, clients, community-will see me clearly and meet me where I am.
courage
With this mindset came the best thing: courage. Life and business requires so many bold moves that make you question yourself. Through courage, I’ve let myself feel fear and do it anyway–to be seen, even if it feels cringy. To keep going even when I can’t see the end. To take all the leaps knowing there will be detours along the way.
Courage had meant continuing to create, amidst insecurity, trusting there is enough space for everyone. It means letting go, again and again of what feels heavy, of small typos, and of all the should and could have beens. It’s taught me so much about compassion, trust, and resilience.
persistence is planting seeds
Courage was the start. But showing up again and again–that’s what planted the roots. I kept creating, even when no one was watching. Sharing, even when it felt like no one was listening. Designing. Dreaming. Watering my inner world.
I know now that even if I couldn’t see myself blooming at the time, the seeds were sprouting deep beneath the surface through all the tending. There’s no instant gratification for these “crock pot dreams”, as my coach says. There is only always a better version of you. I need to remind myself to keep leading–with joy and purpose. To keep creating–with heart and soul. Always.
breakthrough
And then, right when I didn’t expect it: a booking with my first client. It came after a mini breakdown, like the universe knew I needed a little nudge to keep going.
That walk-through? Overflowing joy, surrealness, and gratitude. It was a realization: this is THE thing. I’m not building just a business–I’m building a life I love. One that reflects who I’ve become. After that, a few inquiries came. It's like opening the floodgates, as my coach put it. With this new energy, I believe the universe now knows I’m ready.
a new season
Through all the growth, I am entering a new season, feeling renewed and bursting with excitement, like a seed about to sprout. There’s a part of me that still wants to hurry. But I know now that meaningful growth does not rush. And this time, I’m doing it with hope.
To be honest…often in this journey I forget I have a God who walks with me every step of the way. And today during mass, I was reminded of redemption, of resurrection, of how He is not done yet. That through Him, there is always hope.
So I keep asking myself: Is what I’m doing what I want in the long run? Because this is going to be a long ride. And the answer is: Yes, I do. Even if it’s just the beginning, even if I don’t exactly know how it’ll all play out. I’m in for the ride, for the process, and for myself.
Because the joy from the walk-through with my client today? Being in my element? Becoming the designer of my dreams? It’s like hugging my younger self over and over again.
She never thought it would be possible–but here we are now. Look how far she’s come and she is so, so proud.
for your journey
If you’ve been in a season of change, here are a few reminders for the road ahead…
You’re allowed to begin again—slowly, softly, in your own time.
Your pace is valid. Your presence is enough.
Growth doesn’t have to be loud to be real.
You don’t need to be who you were in order to love who you are now.
There is no “too late” in becoming who you’re meant to be.
